He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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