I murdered the dance floor call the cops
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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