it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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