I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
