Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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