good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
