My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't notice because vodka
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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