Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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