So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is classic penis vs brain.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize