p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
