I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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