So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
