Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just invented taco cereal.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
