New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
