Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
