Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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