Got a toothbrush?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize