I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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