Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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