my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
