As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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