Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize