just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
