Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize