I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize