Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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