i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
