She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
