Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
