At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
