And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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