Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
