Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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