And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
