Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
