I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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