My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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