____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
