Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
