Its about making memories worth repressing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize