I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
