do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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