Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
