what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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