RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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