I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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