He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Two words: nipple clamps
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