i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize