4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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