Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
