she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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