He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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