my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
