the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
