I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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