Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
