and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
