at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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