Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
