dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize