yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
