All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
