Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
