I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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