Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
