You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
