pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
