So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
