Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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