Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize