I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
