well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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