I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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