so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
