If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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