I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
