Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need help removing her.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
