How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
