The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
