mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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